A statement worthy of Robert Greene’s bitchslap

…back to page 1 of The Art of Seduction

“When it happened, you were the one who wanted it. I wanted to go home. After my futile efforts of evasion and your astounding attempts in foreplay, we made love anyway. So, if I were to ask for it now, you would not have the heart nor the gall to refuse…. Good. It’s settled then. I will see you soon.”

– Elisabeth de Luc

After reading hundreds of pages about coyness and gentle beguilement, she still chose analysis and audacity. What a waste of time.

One can never say, “She’s a lady at last.”

—–

listening to: Tonic – Sugar

Blue > Green

Congats sa mga Atenistang nauhaw ng 4 na taon sa pagkapanalo sa UAAP!

Green pa rin ang second favorite color ko after red.  Pero Ateneo pa rin ang second favorite school ko after UP.

PERO asa pa ako na manalo kaming mga Maroons. Forever kaya kaminmg busy sa pag-aaral. :p

Hahahaha! Congrats uli sa mga Loyola boys at sa kanilang mga supporters!

—–

listening to: All Saints – Never Ever

Another reason why I think I love you

I still hurt when I see you sad.
I wish you find what you’re looking for. Even if it’s not with me.
I wish for the world to discover your brilliance. Just as I did.
Keep on walking. Claim your dream as reality.
Keep on moving. Even if it would mean farther away from me.

—–

listening to: Bamboo – So Far Away

Afterthought

I just remembered that life is about living, not just about work, and that laughter is as precious a commodity as cash.

Tara, let’s party!

—–

listening to: Madonna – Give It 2 Me

A. Wow! B. Fantastic! C. Wow, fantastic!

Last night was… C!!!!

—–

Went to Kroc Greenbelt, Cuisine, and Jay-Jay’s with Oryx, Yo, Lean, and Wender. We passed by Tabu. The place was dead. Passed by Piedra. I wanted the crowd dead.

Pigged out on carcinogenic food and drank vodka that cost P7,000 with Red Bull and lemon.

Got to dance and meet new friends.

I want to do it again.

And I want to see the gorgeous guy from Cuisine again.

Hmmm… dapat pala napicturean ko si gorgeous guy!

Snap!

—–

listening to: Happy Feet – Boogie Wonderland

Like an anniv, but no, not really

So it’s been that long.

I wrote this 365 days ago, crazed and beaming from the newness of the things happening to me, like being part of the recruitment department of Eperformax and being part of what then seemed like a harmless involvement with the last person who broke my heart.

So much has transpired. Some have gone, some remained. Some should have stayed. Some should have left earlier.

I’ve always believed that time is relative.

It has not made all buds bloom nor has it healed all wounds.

One year’s been long, but sadly, not long enough.

—–

listening to: Keane – Somewhere Only We Know

I was awakened by an SMS I received at 4:18 am.

“Please pray for my Dad. He just passed away.”

I deliberately squinted my eyes hard to let the pain dismiss the text as a nightmare. A surge of tears followed when the pain chose to settle.

I thought Ate Dana’s dad died because of his kidney complications as he was subjected to daily dialysis, but she said it was a heart attack that brought him to his demise. She even hoped that he was already getting better because he was moving faster, able to walk by himself before the attack.

Her father means the world to Ate Dana and my heart aches for the void that is probably now tearing her heart apart. I told her in blind faith that her Dad is on his way to our Creator and relieved from burden. I know this is also what she tells herself, for we share this kind of faith.

I know from theory that blindness sharpens the senses. I know that faith is the strongest sense possible.

—–

I called Ate Dons and asked her if she wanted to go to the wake with me. She said that she is in Ilocos with the whole family, because her Dad has just been admitted to the hospital. He’s been diagnosed with 2 kinds of cancer a little over than a year ago.

She said they’re not expecting him to get out anymore…

Despite what the doctors said before, that her dad’s only left with 2 months, three tops to grace this world, alternative treatment and the family’s extensive love bought him more time. I know that Ate Dons is grateful for the extension, but it’s impossible to miss the despairing undertones from her voice when I spoke to her earlier.

I know that she is a person of great faith. I have not been blessed with the opportunity of meeting her dad, but from her stories, I know that her faith was influenced by her father’s.

My own faith tells me that influence will shelter her from the pain from the conclusion of temporal existence.

—–

After talking to my two non-biological sisters about the dearest men in their lives, I called the dearest in mine.

“Hello! O anak! O baket napatawag ka uli? Nag-goodmorning ka na kanina ha.”
“Hi, Daddy. I love you.”
“I love you, too, anak. Baket, ano meron?”
“Wala lang. Text ko na lang. Hiya ako eh. Bye.”

In a few minutes I sent him this…

“I know I don’t say it much and I don’t show it quite well. But I know that you know that I love you. Don’t ask why. Don’t ask how. You know how faith works. I don’t need to see God in flesh or floating in spirit, because I know He exists because of you. And Mama, of course. Tell her I love her, too.”

—–

listening to: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Isang beses isang buwan na pagpapakabundat.

Walang araw na nandito ako sa Manila na hindi ko namimiss ang Mama at ang Daddy ko. Pero ok na rin, kasi alam kong miss na miss rin nila ako at sa sobrang pagkamiss nila sa akin, pinapakain nila ako ng masarap ‘pag binibisita ko sila sa Bataan.

Umuwi ako noong Sabado at saktong lunch time ako dumating. (Actually sinadya ko, para tipid. Hahaha.) Naghanda si Mama ng tinapang tamban (smoked small herring), pritong tilapia (fried St. Peter’s fish), at ensaladang ampalaya (bittergourd salad). Himagas namin ang mga bibingka (rice cakes) na binili ko sa Double Happiness, ‘yung pitstop ng Victory Liner sa Lubao. Napadami ako nang nakain kaya noong merienda na, isang maliit na nilagang mais (boiled corn) na lang ang kinuha ko doon sa isang dambuhalang kalderong mais na niluto ni Mama. Pero dahil likas na matakaw ako (o di kaya may tapeworm ako?) pumunta ako ng grocery at bumili ng dalawang packs ng chipetix na chocolate. Lasang Lala, pero mas masarap. Nilantakan ko ang cholikeyts habang iniinspeksyon ang garden at backyard namin.

Napag-alaman ko na namumulaklak na pala yung isang puno ng mangga, may bunga na ‘yung isa. Isang kinalabaw at isang indian. Ang mga puno ng saging eh kung di may hinog ng mga bunga, may puso. Sandamakmak na rin ang atis at bayabas na pwedeng pitasin, kung ‘di kami maunahan ng mga maya! Lumalago na rin ang mga tanim ni Mother at Tita Nida na camote, sili, okra, saluyot, kamatis, at batao. Ang sarap kumanta ng Bahay Kubo! Kulang na lang ang paligid-ligid ay mapuno ng linga!

Hapunan naman namin habang nanonood ng Pinoy Dream Academy Gala Night ang pinsingawang hipon (steamed shrimps) at ensaladang pako na may itlog na pula (fiddle fern salad with salted egg). Pako ang favorite salad ko ngayon at ang sweet ni Daddy na naisipan niyang ibili ako noon dahil alam niyang depressed ako na hindi ako nakapanood ng Camp Rock. Wala kasing Disney Channel doon, Cartoon Network lang. Dami ko na namang nakain. Nakatulog pa ako agad. Binangungot ako ng slight. Napanaginipan ko si John Lloyd. Bading daw siya. Waaaah.

Ginising nila ako ng maaga para isamang mamalengke. Namili kami ng pang-adobo, pang-ihaw, pang-sigang, at pang-tinola. Namakyaw ako uli nung chipetix cholicates. Pati ‘yung cheese flavored, sinubukan ko rin. Sana naman, ok pa ang insulin level ko.

Nag-ihaw kami ng bangus na may palaman at talong (grilled milkfish with filling and grilled eggplants) para pananghalian. May kilawing labong (bamboo shoots in vinegar) pa na tamang-tama ang lamig. Ito ay pinagsaluhan naman namin habang nanonood ng ASAP. Puro mga Kapamilya ang taga-Morong. Doon, itinatapon sa bangin o nililigaw sa gubat ang mga Kapuso.

Habang naglalakad-lakad ako sa garden para magburn ng calories, may napansin akong spiderweb na kakaiba. May malaking X na nakahabi sa gitna. At nakadikit dun ang maybahay na spider. Ang galeng. At dahil dun sa X na iyon, napataya ako sa jueteng ng 10 at 26. Ito ay pagkabili ko ng merienda na hiu tieu (Vietnamese noodles, rice noodles in pork broth with chili, bean sprouts, caramelized onions, and hardboiled egg). Hindi naman ako nanalo. Pero ang galing pa rin ni Spidey.

Hindi na kami nag-abala masyado na maghanda ng hapunan dahil kakain rin naman ako sa bahay ng Tita ko. May inuman kasi doon para i-celebrate ang 28th birthday ni Ate Bec. Inubos na lang namin nila Mama ang inihaw na bangus. Pero shempre pa, nagdagdag rin si Mama ng pritong lumpiang gulay (fried vegetable rolls) kasi alam niyang hindi ako mahilig mag-replay ng ulam.

Kasama namin ang barkada ni Ate Bec kina Tita Lorna at ang mga boys ay uminom ng Red Horse at kaming girls ay nag-wine. Casuy-Duhat wine. Odiba. Bago! Masarap ha! Lasang Bugnay ng Baguio. Ang chaka lang ng bote. Para lang bote ng patis. Pulutan namin yung niluto ni Angelo na adobong manok sa sampalok (stewed native chicken in soy sauce and tamarind), siomai (na gawa ni Ate Bec), corn chips, peanuts, at balut (punyeta, anong english nito? Alam ko na, fear factor duck egg). Pinakamahalagang natutuhan ko sa gabi ng inumann ito na critical period ng isang babae ang edad na 28 pataas. Shet, one year to go.

Dahil hindi naman ako tinamaan (ng lintik) sa Casuy-Duhat wine, nagawa kong gumising ng maaga kinabukasan. Hindi na ako nagbreakfast dahil alam kong marami akong makakain ng lunch. Shempre, pabalik na ako noon ng Manila kaya dapat masarap ang tanghalian. Paglabas ko ng bahay, nakita ko si Mama at Daddy sa labas na nagbabasa ng Purpose Driven Life at kumakain ng suha. Pinilit nilang ipatikim sa akin yung suha na nasa harap ng bahay namin. Kulang pa ng dalawang linggo. Maasim pa. Sayang. Yung guyabano sana ang gusto ko, kaso lang pinutol ni Daddy. Inaanay daw eh. Di bale. May avocado pa.

Nagrequest ako kay Daddy na maglagay ng duyan sa gilid ng bahay. Pumili ako ng eksaktong lugar na paglalagyan at tumanggi siya.

“Eh Daddy naman eh. Gusto ko dito. Para overlooking the mangga and the banana and the gumamela and the casuy and the papaya!”
“Hindi nga pwede.”
“Susumbong kita kay Mama.”
“Tignan mo nga ‘yung mga puno na gusto mong pagkabitan ko ng duyan!”
Tingin naman ako.
“Oh, eh mukha namang matibay eh. Pwede na ‘yan!”
“Pag ikaw nabukulan, bahala ka.”
At tumingala ako.
“Sabi ko nga, mga puno pala ng buko to eh.”

Whaaaaat. I got carried away. Sabi ni Daddy Dearest, dun na lang daw niya ako ipapag-set-up ng duyan sa may mangga at casuy. Tamang tama, dun ko rin gustong magtanim ng yellowbells, roses, at sunflowers. Woohoo! Secret garden, probinsya style.

Adobong baboy (pork in vinegar and soy sauce) at nilagang puso ng saging (boiled banana heart… heart nga ba?) ang lunch namin. Ang sarap. Lalo na may Coke 1.5. Meron pang minatamis na saba (galing rin sa backyard namin) for dessert.

The best talaga makamiss si Ma at si Dy! Nakakataba! At dahil 1st or 2nd week of October pa ang balik ko doon, may isang buwan pa ako na mag-diet para magkaron ng space sa tiyan ko ang mga naghihintay na pagkain sa akin sa pagbalik ko… sinabawang mais na may bulaklak ng kalabasa at dahon ng sili (corn soup with squash blossoms and chili leaves)… sinigang na baboy na may gabi (pork in sour broth with taro)… lumpiang gulay na may sarsang maraming bawang (vegetable eggroll with garlic sauce)…

Haaaaayyyy… Nakakagutom. Makakain na nga muna.

Teka punta muna ako sa Jollibee.

—–

Hindi ako nakapagdala ng digicam noong weekened, kaya babawi na lang ako sa susunod kong entry tungkol sa pag-uwi ko sa Morong. Maglaway ka. :p~

—–

listening to: Parokya ni Edgar – Picha Pie

Penge pera. Ayaw? Fine, phone na lang. Ok. Laptop.

I think I would have to get me a new phone soon. I think my SE is fukkkd up beyond repair. If I buy a nice new one now, I would have to let go of my goal of getting me a laptop. Damnit.

In a perfect world, money will fall like manna from heaven.

No.

In a perfect world, no one will need those shittty pieces of paper that incessantly demands to rule one’s life.

Gaaaaaah.

—–

listening to: Ellen Degeneres interviewing Usher

Sampu

Dahil sawang-sawa na si Jap sa pagmumukha ng Alabang at BF, pumunta at tumambay naman daw kami sa QC. At dahil rin siya lang sa Bene barkada ko ang hindi ako nabisita nung nagmamaster’s ako sa Peyups, binalak niyang dayuhin ako at ang kape sa Chocolate Kiss.

Hindi na ako taga-QC, pero hanggang ngayon, Diliman pa rin ang tinuturing kong 2nd home. (Hindi pa rin nagmamarka ng matindi sa puso ko ang Mandaluyong at ang Morong.)

Medyo nairita ako na Sunday ang gusto niyang araw. Gusto ko lang kasi matulog na parang mantika sa ini-ref na lechon pag Linggo. Alam kong importante kay Jap ang lakad na ito kaya hindi na ako gumimik ng Friday at Saturday para bigay-todo ang pagiging tourguide ko sa kanya.

Oo, pinagpalit ko ang Eraserheads, wasakan party sa Ortigas, at isang mistulang bootycall para sa bestfriend ko.

Dinala ko siya sa UP at pinagtuturo ko sa kanya ang mga lugar kung saan ako dati nag-art classes, nag-grad studies, nagpaka-nerd, nagfoodtrip, at nagmaganda. Gusto ko sana siyang dalhin sa Lagoon dahil alam kong matutuwa siya sa serenity ng place, wala lang sana kaming makitang nagtitirahan sa likod ng mga nagtataasang puno. Eh kaso lang, umambon. Kaya hanggang Sunken Garden lang siya, SC, at UP chapel. Pagkatapos naming alalahanin si Eunice at kumain ng tapsilog sa Rodic’s, bumuhos ang sobrang lakas na ulan. Malas talaga si Jap. Malas. Mukha kaming tanga na sumugod sa waiting shed para pumara ng IKOT. Pagdating namin sa Bahay ng Alumni, gusto ko ng ibuhos yung mainit na kape sa legs ko dahil sa lamig.

Gabi na at hindi na masayang gumala pa sa UP, lumipat kami sa may ABS-CBN, para hanapin ang Esquinita at para makasalubong si John Lloyd Cruz. Eh dahil malas nga si Jap, hindi namin nakita si lloydie at napag-alaman naming sarado ang Esquinita ‘pag Sunday.

Ang bruha kelangan daw may picture siya sa harap ng Pinoy Big Brother house.

Hindi kami makaalis Mother Ignacia na hindi ako binibigyan ni Jap ng kahihiyan.

Actually, may picture din ako.

Hehehe.

Pumunta kami sa Off the Grill after para sa cheap drinks at live band. Dahil feeling ko girl na girl ako with my newly cut hair, ako ay nag-Sangria. (Tapos, Mojito.) Si Cat Piss, nag-Bailey’s. Adik talaga.

Habang tinutugtog ng 7 Years After ang Too Close, naalala ko ang 1998. Naalala ko rin na 10 years ago, nakilala ko si Jap at nasira ang buhay ko at naging magkaibigan kami. Kaya, by accident, nai-celebrate namin ang 1 decade of friendship namin nung Sunday. Hiyehey! Napagtiyagaan ko si Pussy Litter ng sampung taon!

Simpleng celebration lang: daldalan, konting alcohol, semi-foodtrip, late 90’s covers mula sa bandang may vocalist na badingerzie na pinagmistulang stand-up comedy ang 2nd set.

Jap, kung nababasa mo ito, ibalik mo sa akin ang Cosmo ko. Wag ka mangupit ng page dun sa 69 Most Gorgeous Bachelors na copy!

And again, happy 10th year. Kahit late ka paulit ulit at lagi kitang nasusungitan, lam mo naman na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita.

* Para sa mga readers, Cat Piss at Pussy Litter ang tawag ko kay Janice May “Jap” Aquino Hernandez dahil may farm animals kaming kalokohan sa barkada. Mahilig siya sa mga pusa, kaya ayun. Ako ang aso ng grupo. Ito ay dahil sa aking fierce loyalty at bitchy nature. Hahahaha.

—–

listening to: Miley Cyrus – 7 Things