Apparently, I’m not alone.

I believe in the universality of problems. I believe that someone is out there that feels the same way I do. Someone is out there wanting to rip her heart off her chest, lock it in a metal box and toss it into the South China Sea. I believe that this is the reason why many sad love songs were made, are being made and will still be made. People in misery look for companions. It’s not really to share tears or let out frustrations; it’s just that people just don’t want to feel alone. People don’t want to be unique when it comes to problems of the heart.

And I know damn well that I don’t want to be alone.

I sought solace and company from the Indigo Girls, Bonnie Raitt, Annie Lennox, Keahiwai, and Joni Mitchell. I was doing fine, but not quite. I was looking for the perfect song that will remind me that there is someone out there who’s experiencing a similar situation as mine.

And then I saw what she wrote a couple of months ago.

My god. I feel it in my bones. She was talking about him. I felt a stream of relief that there is indeed someone out there (quite close, actually) who can understand me. I know that when I tell her what I’m feeling she’d reply, “I know exactly what you mean because that’s exactly how he made me feel.”

Should be comforting, right?

Wrong.

After ten minutes of relief from the solid realization that I am not alone in this agonizing state, I began to feel a stroke of disappointment.

I’m not alone. She felt it. Or she may still be feeling it.

It made me feel less special.

Note that I didn’t say ordinary, because he does make me feel special even if there are times that I seem to be non-existent in his stranger-than-fiction life. I guess I’m just now looking for that little extra. I don’t normally aspire for something that I can’t have or can’t have easily, but time is running out. Our time is running out.

I want to break away from this detrimental cycle which has become the story of my life. Soon enough, if things go according to plan (not really what I want but what I think I need), I won’t have to look for comrades to accompany me in this heartbreaking predicament. I will be part of the lucky few who survived and moved on.

Has she moved on? I don’t know. With him involved, seems like moving on is a long journey.

Long, yet achievable.

Difficult, yet rewarding.

—–

listening to: Annie Lennox – Waiting in Vain

Previous Post
Next Post
Leave a comment

11 Comments

  1. ganda naman!!! khit nagnosenlid ako sa pagbasa… medyo nkarelate ako..

    Reply
  2. thanks for appreciating it. 🙂

    and thanks for dropping by.

    Reply
  3. luckydee

     /  November 30, 2007

    i agree with jap. we admire your spirit and intuition. we know that you’ll get over this hump soon. if you still want to stick to your noregretsseizethemomentbleedtilldry plan, it’s up to you. you know what can make you happy and what will not ruin your life.

    get over this hump soon? hump? hahaha.

    you really have issues. :p pustahan tayo you’re confusing libido for butterflies. hehe. sinasapian ka lang. hindi ikaw ang bestfriend namin!

    Reply
  4. siempre ang slow ko. malapit na nga pala birthday mo. gawd you’re so consistent! i wish that someone can break that cycle. detrimental cycle, whatever!

    like donnie said, whatever you decide on, we’re sure that you’d be able to handle. ikaw pa.

    share mo sa amin tomorrow what the girl wrote!

    ipapa-exorcise ka na rin namin bukas……… hehehehehehehhe

    Reply
  5. mamaya na ako magrereact. sa party. hehe.

    Reply
  6. “Long, yet achievable.

    Difficult, yet rewarding.”

    like everything else that we do, wrong or right.

    weh, i need a crush. hahaha, sabay ganon eh.

    Reply
  7. This is the book I never read
    These are the words I never said
    This is the path I’ll never tread
    These are the dreams I’ll dream instead
    This is the joy that’s seldom spread
    These are the tears…
    The tears we shed
    This is the fear
    This is the dread
    These are the contents of my head
    And these are the years that we have spent
    And this is what they represent
    And this is how I feel
    Do you know how I feel ?
    cause i don’t think you know how I feel
    I don’t think you know what I feel
    I don’t think you know what I feel
    You don’t know what I feel

    Annie Lennox is a great companion (most of the time 🙂 ). anyway, This is a good one.

    Reply
  8. JOKO: ako rin i want a new crush. kahit andami ko ng crushieees ngayon. hehe. san ba makakabili ng bago? haha labo.

    ICE: “you don’t know what i feel” waaaaaaaah. isang line pa lang gusto ko na kumuha ng blade! ahahaha

    Reply
  9. luckydee: success ba ang pagpapaexorcise kng Iya? wehehehe ;P

    hi Iyayow! *^^* lapit na beerday mo, wala pa rin gift mo skin! wehehehe! *^^*

    MWAH! >:D

    Reply
  10. thesolidrock

     /  December 3, 2007

    I think you should get over it. Stop finding comfort in all the wrong places. A song is nothing more than a song. Stop looking for the hidden meanings behind it. If you want true comfort, then look no further than Jesus.

    Reply
  11. inez: hindi nila ako na-exorcise. iba ang in-exorcise ni donne. :)) i have proof! i have pictures! bwahahahah!

    thesolidrock: i believe that god created the arts for the expression of human differences and similarities. not because i find comfort from songs, i dont seek comfort from my creator.

    i know that he alone knows the deepest desire of my heart and how wounded it is and how desperate i am in trying to mend it– with or without my deepshit sad love songs!

    thank you for the comment, though.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: