Sorry. That’s all I can say to those I hurt last Wednesday. Donnie told me last night that I hurt and disappointed several of our friends in my birthday celeb. They thought how I was that night was very unlike me, that I didn’t act like a 26 year old.

Hmmm… but what really is like me?

And how in hell should a 26 year old act?

I feel bad that I didn’t get a nod from some of the dearest people in my life. I can’t really blame them. Like I said, it was the first time I got drunk in my very own party. I guess it was also the first time they ever saw me go “hysterical over a guy”.

I feel worse that some of them judged me quickly. They should have known better that I’m not the type who would pull off a drama just to get what I want. They should have known better that something was killing me then and it was not only about a guy.

Gawd. I didn’t tell them what was eating me up because I wanted them to enjoy the party and not worry about me. Needless to say, my brilliant plan backfired.

For the first time in so maaaany years, I disppointed them. I didn’t disappoint them when I almost quit school. Nor when I went out with the biggest bastard of Beda. And now this is what I hear–

“You’re better off falling for the bad guys.”

Since when’s being attracted to a good guy considered disappointing? When did being assertive become a disgrace? And what is the issue if the good guy is not attainable when almost everybody’s expecting me to stay away from him? And so what if I’m a big flirt and I make the first move? It’s not like I’m off having crazy sex with some random dude.

What really is like me?

Can’t I have my weak moments? Can’t I be horny as some of you once in a blue moon? Can’t I be a major bratinella drama queen at least once in my life?

How should a 26 year old act?

I’ve been acting older than most of you for as long as I can remember. And I love taking care of you guys, but can you at least remember that in reality, I am the youngest? Can’t you baby me in the sporadic moments that I break down without complaining that I’m being such a pain?

Sorry, guys. I didn’t think about the possible repercussions of my actions. I promise to be drama free and happy on my next birthday bash. I even promise not to drink anything but water when I turn 27. I’ll give you the Iya that you want.

I’ll give you the strong, unfazed, won’t-take-shit-from-anyone me back.

Remember, what happened that night was my fault. Stop putting the blame on someone else, unless you want me to pull off another hysteria stunt.

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listening to: SmashingPumpkins – Tonight, Tonight