After a long time of keeping mum, I finally let my closest few know what’s been really going on in my life.
They thought I was just problematizing the aftermath of a failed relationship or the obscurity of my career path. None of them thought that it’s family problems I’ve been caught up with, except for Jap who pointed out that I don’t talk about my family. I guess I kept quiet because it’s the hardest to deal with. It’s always easier to shed tears and act all hurt when it’s just about boys and work, because they give off the kind of pain that does not and will not ever get to my very core. Because I can always get a new boyfriend and I can always find a new job. The absence of either would not be lethal.
Family is something constant and non-negotiable. I don’t look the part but I really love my family. They mean the world to me and I’d die for them at any given day. I’ve been told that I spend too much time out of the house and that I have nothing to worry about because I’m an only child. These people don’t know any better. And I don’t blame them because I didn’t make them understand.
Well, I’m faced with a lot of new responsibilities now. I have to deal with things that I never thought I’d deal with in such a young age. I’m afraid and excited at the same time. I’m anxious that I might not be cut out for the challenge, but hey, I know I was specially engineered by destiny to be stronger than the average girl.
I see a wall of struggle, discomfort, and disappointment ahead but I’m ready for the pain. What is pain? It’s just weakness escaping the body. As long as I have my family at the center of my every goal, I can withstand anything. I can race anything. I can climb or break any wall. And now with friends who know what I am going through, I’m counting that even if I fall, getting back up wouldn’t be so hard.
The Supreme Being prepared me for this.
My family and friends believe in me.
I believe in myself.
Ad astra per aspera. Ad astra per aspera.
I’m not going to let anybody down.
listening to: The Beatles – Yesterday