Whenever asked what my real name is, I launch into a lifelong joke that my dad was either drunk or high on shabu when he declared,

“I dub thee Shesha.”

Nakanampooo… had I understood the repercussions of his action, I’d have given Daddy a frightful uppercut with my baby fist. He said, he wanted to name me Vida after one of my maternal aunts, Vina but the name Shesha just got stuck in his head when he saw something on telly about the Shah of Iran. Apparently, he had no knowledge that my name some countries means sea serpent or pipe. I better just stick to English-speaking countries then.

Haaaayyy… Why couldn’t he have named me something simple and easy to pronounce on first sight? Like Jennifer, May, or Paula? Arrrgh, but I’m still grateful that I wasn’t named Vida, because I’ve already met two Vidas I’d stab with glee at any given time.

Because my name seems like it’s taken from a twisted tongue twister (Shesha sells seashells by the seashore shalalalala…), the only people I permit to use it are the people who have known me for 11 years or more. Meaning, one must be a relative, a childhood friend, a gradeschool or highschool acquaintance. Why? Because I did not use Iya until I was in 1st year college. With the exeption of Donnie and Jap who relishes each opportunity when they can call me by my complete name. Shesha Santos Santos.

Not everyone I’ve known for more than a decade call me by my real name though.

To my Dad I’m Shasha or Inshang or Sweetheart (ewwwww).
To my Mom, I’m ‘Nak (duh, it’s short for anak).
To Tita Tida, I’m Shae (pronounced as shey).
To some of my cousins, I’m ‘Patid (short for kapatid, duh again).
To some of my aunts and uncles, I’m Pa’ngkin (short for pamangkin, double duh… duhduh).

Come college, I decided to use Iya just to make things a lil bit simpler for me. The history of Iya is this: my godbrother Aldwin when he was 3 or 4 had trouble saying my name maybe because his front teeth were missing then or he just had a case of childhood sh-deficiency (haha, imbento). Instead of Shesha, he called me E-A. I remember him running around their garden screaming Translation: “Ae E-a, Ae E-a, biyi ayo ay keem!!!”“Ate Shesha, Ate Shesha, bili tayo ice cream!”

Not everyone from college onwards call me by my preferred nickname as expected.

Some of my kabarkadas call me Eee (like Chie and Delight).
Some of them call me Iyapok (go figure).
Donnie calls me Bitch as an endearment, I call him back Slut. Whore for Jap. Vakla for Eunice.
I’m Besty to them otherwise.
I’m Ate, Ateng, or Darling to the friendly carinderia tindera in Boni.
I’m Atche to our QA Ems.
I was Baby to 2 of my exes, Hun to another 2.
I was Boss to one who didn’t quite make the cut but acted like he did.
I’m Iya Bebe to Nico, Ciara (at times) to Oryx. I call one of them John Lloyd.
I’m Babe (The Gallant Pig) to my friend, Homer.
I’m Iyaiyayow or Alphasensei to my blogfriends.
To my former pupils in preschool, I’m Teacher Iya.
To my former gradeschool, highschool, and college students, I’m Miss Iya.
Ma’am Iya to my applicants now that I’m a recruiter.
I’m Tita Ganda or Ninang Ganda to all my nieces, nephews, and godchildren who want to receive gifts from me on Christmas.
I’m Mrs. Justin Randall Timberlake to myself in my fantasies, hehe.

And you can start my calling me Ganda or Sexy if you need a favor, though satisfactory results are not guaranteed.

If you wanna start hating on me, you can call me whatever you like. Just be fair and let me throw some right back at you.

Oh yeah, before I forget, my dad would lie at times and say he named me after Sharon Cuneta and Sheryl Cruz. Like. And in those times, I’d wonder, “Oh Lord, ampon ba ako? Baket ang laki ng galet sa’kin ng Tatay ko?” No wonder I hate Mr. DJ and Mr. Dreamboy with a passion.

Uh-oh. Me thinks this post will pave way to new nicknames for me.

Oh well, bring it on. Sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me. Unless they’re carved in wood and thrown at me.

Bleh!

—–

Thanks to Jewel for tagging me! 🙂

—–

listening to: Rihanna – Breakin Dishes