The Aftermath of The 1st Monday Retreat

All it took was a single phone call to freeze my brain, make me break out in cold sweat, accelerate my heartbeat in fatal thuds, and make me powerless to produce coherent speech.

Hell, I wasn’t even capable of saying one damn hello. I just stared at my mobile as it rang out The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony. After what seemed like six rings, I pressed END.

I guess it’s not yet time for us to talk. For you, there is nothing to talk about. For me, I thought there was nothing to dig up, expose, and touch on until I found myself wondering about gray areas in my life that I didn’t want to admit hold relevance to what I have become. Gray areas that I tried to analyze on my own, but just couldn’t. God knows I don’t like relying on people to solve my own puzzles. I walk solo for a purpose. I loved you but never depended my happiness on you and I’m most definitely not going to start now. I don’t need you, only your assistance. And love is different from high regard.

I know that you’re not exactly in the best of moods now, I’m sorry if I can’t be of help and I seem to be adding on to complications. I’m glad you took time to call to check how I am. I guess I gave you the impression that I’m undergoing something cataclysmic. I’m not. At least, not yet.

There’s a reason why I never hated you even if you hurt me in more ways than all of them combined. I guess part of why I want to talk to you to is find out what that reason is.

I hope that you get out of the shithole you are in soon so I could be less guilty of getting some of your exclusive, precious time. By then, I hope to be capable of producing coherent speech, because I wouldn’t have the END button for my escape once we decide to eventually sit down and talk.


listening to: Stereophonics – Maybe Tomorrow

Hasta luego, Oryx!

It’s a rainy summer night and I just had clam chowder with cheese and leeks and biscuits for dinner. I’m going to watch dvds (The Duchess and The Reader) right after I blog what I should have blogged a few nights ago.

Here goes.

Oryx is leaving me! Waaaahhhh! well, he is leaving the P.I. for Singapore next week. Work stuff. Haaayyy. I’m going to miss him a hell lot. Prolly miss him too much. We went out with Eunice last Tuesday night for despedida dinner and drinks. Cafe Bola, M Cafe and Tabu.


Took some pics for my photo project. Still don’t know when I’d start the blog. Still gathering some contributions…


Loved The Rockstar drink, except I didn’t eat the lychees. Blech.


How can Tabu nights be the same without Oryx? Haaayyy. No more going home 5am and life planning until 6ish albeit there’s work after a few hours. Haha, I managed to go to work even earlier than my call time regardless of my meager 2-hour sleep. Didn’t get drunk, even tipsy kasi. Pero ‘yung isang tao dyan… ahahaha nanghahalik ng semi-stranger sabay nagwawalkout papuntang washroom. Hahahah.

I am saddened by Oryx’s departure but I am happy for him; I’m sure he’ll have loads of adventure in Sg. I just wish we could have spent more time together, getting wasted and being interventionists (in Tagalog, mga pakialamero-pakialamera).

See you later to the angel on my shoulder, the devil in my head.

Buti na lang nandyan lang ang Singapore. Five seconds lang pag in- astral travel. Haha.


listening to: Kid British- Hot N Cold

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