The Aftermath of The 1st Monday Retreat

All it took was a single phone call to freeze my brain, make me break out in cold sweat, accelerate my heartbeat in fatal thuds, and make me powerless to produce coherent speech.

Hell, I wasn’t even capable of saying one damn hello. I just stared at my mobile as it rang out The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony. After what seemed like six rings, I pressed END.

I guess it’s not yet time for us to talk. For you, there is nothing to talk about. For me, I thought there was nothing to dig up, expose, and touch on until I found myself wondering about gray areas in my life that I didn’t want to admit hold relevance to what I have become. Gray areas that I tried to analyze on my own, but just couldn’t. God knows I don’t like relying on people to solve my own puzzles. I walk solo for a purpose. I loved you but never depended my happiness on you and I’m most definitely not going to start now. I don’t need you, only your assistance. And love is different from high regard.

I know that you’re not exactly in the best of moods now, I’m sorry if I can’t be of help and I seem to be adding on to complications. I’m glad you took time to call to check how I am. I guess I gave you the impression that I’m undergoing something cataclysmic. I’m not. At least, not yet.

There’s a reason why I never hated you even if you hurt me in more ways than all of them combined. I guess part of why I want to talk to you to is find out what that reason is.

I hope that you get out of the shithole you are in soon so I could be less guilty of getting some of your exclusive, precious time. By then, I hope to be capable of producing coherent speech, because I wouldn’t have the END button for my escape once we decide to eventually sit down and talk.

—–

listening to: Stereophonics – Maybe Tomorrow

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4 Comments

  1. jokoness

     /  April 26, 2009

    thank god for gprs. harhar! boredom galore na dito sa hosp.

    I swear, i’m up to my eyeballs sa realizations dhl sa monday retreat.
    ako yta ang unang nagsabi ng wat I don’t get about u. sowi lola bunny!
    but I think the reason is just this: deep down, u don’t really want it, need it in ur life.
    do I make sense?

    Reply
  2. i want it but dont need it right now.

    haaay

    Reply
  3. ow, i like that song. the verve’s bittersweet symphony. its so timing. bittersweet for you. symphony for me.

    hope what’s happening in your life be okay na.

    Reply
  4. haha. thanks ax. im just being ar-ar.

    arte-arte hehehe

    Reply

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