Forgive and Forget

Here are some of my favorite quotes about 2 of life’s most essential things- forgiveness and forgetting. 🙂

FORGIVENESS

“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”
~ Sara Paddison

“Most of us can forgive and forget; we just don’t want the other person to forget that we forgave.”
~ Ivern Ball

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”
~ Lewis Smedes

“Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.”
~ William Arthur Ward

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ”
~ Gandhi

FORGETTING

“Blessed are those who give without remembering and take without forgetting.”
~ Elizabeth Bibesco

“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting. Not in entire forgetfulness, and not in utter nakedness, but trailing clouds of glory do we come.
~ William Wordsworth

“When suffering comes, we yearn for some sign from God, forgetting we have just had one.”
~ Mignon McLaughlin

“The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close-up.
~ Chuck Palahniuk

“This kind of forgetting does not erase memory, it lays the emotion surrounding the memory to rest.”
~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes

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image source: http://www.idea-sandbox.com/

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listening to: Sparkadia – The Kiss of Death

Faith, Hope, Love

Here are some of my favorite quotes about the three most important things in the world. 🙂

FAITH

“Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.”
~ Kahlil Gibran

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”
~ Mother Theresa

“Faith is putting all your eggs in God’s basket, then counting your blessings before they hatch.”
~ Ramona Carroll

“God has put something noble and good into every heart His hand created.”
~ Mark Twain

“The principle part of faith is patience”
~ George MacDonald

HOPE

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”
~ Anne Lammott

“Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

“When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God.”
~ Charles Allen

“Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.”
~ Augustine of Hippo

“Hope is a good breakfast but a bad supper.”
~ Francis Bacon

LOVE

“There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.”
~ Johnny Depp (Don Juan de Marco, 1995)

“Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
~ Robert Heinlein

“They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.”
~ Oscar Wilde

“Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense.”
~ Mark Overby

“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”
~ Joyce Brothers

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image source: http://www.royalhope.com/page/10/

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listening to: Bamboo – Masaya

Phonebook and Albums

I am a sucker for broken beautiful things.

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I changed your name in my phonebook to REMEMBER THE PAIN. It’s my pitiful self-reminder to not backslide whenever you’d call.

I looked at old albums last night and it took a long time to finish looking at all our photos because we have too fucking many. I looked at those to remind me of our tragedy, so I can support your new name in my phonebook. Instead of remembering the hurt and grief I went through because of you, I saw that we were happy. I was really happy with you. And basing on your ear-to-ear smile, it seemed that you were also happy with me.

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image source: http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/

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listening to: Jason Mraz – If It Kills Me

Clarity c/o Anger

“The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn’t angry enough.”

~ Bede Jarrett

I saw a picture of you last night. I wanted to print it and trace your face with my cigarette.

I have never felt this kind of anger before. I tried to make sure that I’d never see you as someone I hate, but life always has its way of giving me exactly what I don’t want. It took one seemingly small incident of you making me feel unappreciated that made every hurtful thing you did to me that I made excuses for whirl mercilessly in my head. And just like that, all that  I tried so much to bear, hope, believe, and endure crumbled into a miserable mess.

The anger in my heart is so thick that even my mind couldn’t reason with it any more. I’ve never wished for anyone to die except that night that I allowed you for the very last time to set me in pain. I am still in pain, because obviously anger is not an ideal thing to keep. But I owe so much to this anger. If not for this, clarity would not find its way to me. Now I am fully aware of all your faults and mine. I am not saying that you have not done me any good at all but it’s not enough. It could never be enough. The nice things you told me that used to be a source of inspiration are now just pieces of meaningless words and sounds.

You didn’t need me like I needed you. I needed you because… I… I couldn’t even say the word. You already know what that is because I already told you. And you needed me because you’re fucked up lonely and confused. For a time, it felt good to be needed by you, because I knew that if you didn’t need me, I’d have no place in your life and I was too scared to let you go. Well you don’t need me anymore, I get it. I would have been happy to see you recovering if you did not painfully make me feel that I am no longer needed. You cruel, cruel man.

My closest friends argued that you didn’t deliberately hurt me so I deliberately told them off. You’re too smart to be insensitive. You’ve known me too long to not know the basic things that make me happy or cry. I did not ask for you to feel the same. I did not even expect that you would. I was just wrong to believe that you’d at least give me the little significance I thought I already earned from everything we’ve been through.

I’m done making excuses for you. Meaning, I’m done making excuses for myself. I am allowing to feel anger because it’s what I need to feel. I don’t want this but this is what I need. I’d rather be angry than sad. Who knows, this anger just might be a def-mech, just a part of the Stages of Grief that most people find strictly chronological and should be completed. If I believe them, then the next step to this is acceptance. I hope so. I hope for my own sanity that this anger stage will not go on for ever. Or for even a month. I scared myself the other day when I remembered you and I started punching the wall. It’s not in my emotional make-up to hold a grudge or to be manic-depressive. But like what I said, I have never felt this kind of anger before. I do not plan to plot revenge or vengeance. I did update my shitlist but it’s just really for me to remind myself that I cannot backslide.  If acceptance won’t remove you from the shitlist, then indifference will.

I didn’t burn your picture. I’m using it as a bookmark for something I will not re-open for a very, very long time.

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I’d like to say thank you to my friends who have been sending messages about letting go and moving on, and praying that I won’t go back to a faithless life. I promise to reply to you once I already know what He wants me to do. I’m pretty sure he’s allowing me to be angry. After all, He has not done anything to save me from this even after all the praying and begging I’ve done.

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listening to: Jeff Buckley – Everybody Here Wants You

Forward

It’s been a year since I transferred to St. Paul Rd. A lot has happened but it feels like I’m back to square one. It just feels like it but I know I’ve grown. I’ve changed. For better? For worse? I’m not so sure. I’d like to believe that it’s for the former.

I’m going home to Bataan this weekend and I will think about those changes and the realizations I’ve made in the past 365++ days.

In  the meantime, let me share this poem written for me for 26th birthday.

J, wherever you are, I know we aren’t friends anymore (and we may never be friends at all) but I’d like to thank you and give you a bonecrushing hug  for the inspiration embedded in these words.

All directions are alright. You’re right.

I just prefer to move forward.

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listening to: The Posies – Going, Going, Gone

Chelsea Walls

I’ve heard plenty of bad reviews about Ethan Hawke’s 2002 feature directorial debut, Chelsea Walls.

I still want to watch it just to see the part where Rosario Dawson was reading this beautiful, beautiful poem.

The residents of the Chelsea Hotel in New York City, young and full of expectations, mingle with the old hotel ghosts and guests, ultimately becoming interchangeable. They form a community, linked by their dreams. The Chelsea Hotel never really leaves the people who live there, nor do they ever really leave it. (Source: Metacritic)

I want to be a lost poem in a stranger’s coat pocket,
that conveys the importance of you.
To assure you of my desire, to assure you of dreams.
I want all the possibilities of you in writing.
I want to give you your reflection.
I want your eyes on me.
I want to travel to the lightness with you and stay there.
I want everyhing before you to follow us like a trail behind me.
I want never to say goodbye to you, even on the street corner or the phone.

I want……I want so much I’m breathless.
I want to put my power into a poem to burn a hole in your pocket so I can sew it.
I want my words to scream through you.
I want the poem not to mean that much.
And I want to contradict myself by accident, and for you to know what I mean.
I want you to be distant and for me to feel you close.
I want endless days when it’s day and nightime never to end when it’s night.
I want all the seasons in one day.
I want the sun to set before us and come up in front of us.
I want water to run up to our waists and to be drenched by the rain up to our ankles with holes in our shoes.
I want to think your thoughts becuase they’re mine. I want only what’s urgent with you.
I want to get in the way of the barriers and I want you to be a tough guy when you’re supposed to, like you do already.
And I want you to be tender, like you do already.
And I want us to have met for a reason and I want that reason to be important.
And I want it to be bigger than us, I want it to take over us.

I want to forget.
I want to remember us.
And when you say you love me, I don’t want to think you really mean New York City and all the fun we have in it.
And I want your smile always and your grimaces too.
I want your scar on my lips and I want your dissappointments in my heart.
I want your strength in my soul, and I want my soul in my eyes.
I want to believe everything you say, and I do.
And I want you to tell me what’s best, when I dont know.
And when you’re lost I want to find you.
And when your weary, I want to give you steeples and cathedral thoughts and coliseum dreams.
I want to drag you from the darkness and kneel with you exhausted with the blinding light blaring on us…

=`)

Belated Happy Valentine’s Day!

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listening to: Daft Punk – Something About Us

Nakakapagod

ang mag-isip,
ang manisi ng sarili,
ang maghanap ng sagot,
at ang maghintay.

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listening to: Paolo Nutini – Rewind

Today is the right day to fall out.

I just also wanted to say that.

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listening to: the boiling sound of anger in my head

Today is a nice day to fall in love.

I just wanted to say that.

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listening to: Tamia – Officially Missing You

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