My paternal grandmother passed away this afternoon.

{1 year old me with Lola}

She suffered from kidney tumors and colon and lung complications. Daddy visited her in the hospital last week and he called me up so I could talk to Lola. I told her I was sorry for not visiting yet. I told her to wait for me because I would visit her soon. I even joked that mag-iinuman pa kami*. She laughed (yung mahinhin niyang tawa, see, mana ako sa Lola ko) and told me to take care.

I was supposed to see her THIS Saturday. I was supposed to hug her and tell her how grateful I am to her for giving me my Daddy. I wanted to tell her that even if I’ve always thought that I wasn’t a favorite apo because I rarely spent my vacations in Pangasinan, I treasure the memories I spent with her in the family house’s dining room, where she’d struggle in talking to me in Tagalog and pushed me to eat more bangus, talangka, and sugpo… when she’d giggle like a child whenever I’d speak to her in broken Pangalatok/Ilokano…

I was supposed to see her this Saturday. I even asked my Dad if he wanted to meet up with me in Dagupan so we’d just go to the hospital together. He replied that Lola would be brought back to the family house because that’s where she wanted to rest. After an hour, I received a message from my Dad again. Lola Miling already passed away. She didn’t even get to make it home.

But I guess, God already welcomed Lola in her real home– in heaven where my Lolo Felix had been waiting for almost 12 years. There, they can continue their love story and watch over all of us here.

I don’t even know their love story. I never bothered to ask. It’s a regret that I didn’t. It’s a regret that I did not seize the opportunities to be close to her.

To all of you out there, don’t be like me. Have a sense of urgency to express your appreciation, need, want, love to the people you care about.

I’m going to Pangasinan this weekend to pay my respects to Lola Miling. If you could, please say a little prayer for her. Her name was Emilia Lomibao Santos.

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* Lagi ko noon jino-joke si Lola na mag-iinuman pa kami kasi when I was little, nakikita ko s’ya na may hawak na lapad. Parang si Tita Minerva sa Palibhasa Lalake. :,)

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listening to: nothing