The End (It’s About Time) of The Twilight Saga

The last installment of the Twilight Saga is actually pretty good. And no. I have not gone cuckoo. Breaking Dawn Part 2 is the best (but this ain’t saying much hahaha) among the 5 movies.


And the reasons why I think so are…

1. Forget Edward the constipated-looking vampire. Forget Jacob the pedo-werewolf. Ang gwapo ni Carlisle!!! Ampogiiiii!!!


2. Fine. Forget Carlisle. Ang ganda ni Alice!!! I happen to have a girlcrush on Ashley Greene. I really think she’s gorgeous. And fyi, she and Olivia Wilde have some girl to girl action in quite forgettable movie, Butter.


3. Her name is weird but Renesmee is pretty cute. My imagination’s pretty spot on when I was reading the book. The kid in the movie looks exactly like the kid I pictured. And yeah. I read all 4 books. You can ask me why but I do not have to answer. Hehe.


4. The father and daughter scene made tear up because I remembered my Daddy when Charlie was attempting to crack a joke even when he looked as if he’s gonna break down any minute and I was so happy for Kristen Stewart for showing some semblance of emotion in that scene.


5. I did not expect such awesome fight scenes. The battle of The Cullens (and friends) versus The Volturi entertained me more than the whole of Skyfall. Ang daming pugutan ng ulo! Yehey!!! Bwahahaha!!!!!


6. The OST is beautiful. I don’t care what you think, music snobs. I’m downloading the entire album and listening to A Thousand Years by Christina Perri.


I’m happy with how the movie version of the Twilight series ended. And some are just happy that it finally ended. Haha.


listening to: Iron & Wine – Always On My Mind

Bella Cullen

Joko and I were one of the lucky ones who got to see Breaking Dawn Part 1 on its 1st screening day last Friday at Powerplant Mall. Luckier because there were lots of freebies! Ice cream, cereal, potato chips, lotion, gum, sausages, and even detergent! Hehehe! Thanks to Star Movies VIP Access for the free tickets. 🙂

Anyway, here are my thoughts on “the most anticipated film of the year”. Bwahahaha. I can almost hear all the Twilight-haters scream fuck you in my ear!!! :p

1. It’s definitely better than the book. I read all 4 books and hated books 2-4. The movies are so-so because of…

2. Jacob Black. I’ve loved Taylor’s Lautner since Cheaper by The Dozen 2. I really think he’s one good looking kid. I just try to avert looking at his neck because it reminds me of a giraffe’s/llama’s. Wala pang 20secs, pinakita na siyang shirtless dito sa movie! Yown!!!

3. Good job, Twilight peeps for using Iron & Wine’s song, Flightless Bird, American Mouth again. This is one of my most fave songs in the world and I was totally kilig when this was playing in the wedding scene. This was also used in the 1st movie. Prom scene.

4. Liked Mr.&Mrs.Cullen’s honeymoon in Brazil. Nope. I did not find the violent bed-destroying sex exciting. I just found Bella’s hunger for vampire sex entertaining. Don’t worry. There’s gonna be a lot of vampire sex in Part 2.

5. Alice Cullen. She’s exceptionally pretty here. Akala ko ba dapat si Rosalie ang mas maganda? Mukha siyang lalake kaya. Oh, Alice! Haaaay. I have a big crush on Ashley Greene. 🙂

6. Edward… Edward… What do I have to say about Robert Pattinson… he really looks like a sissy vampire in this film. But the soft tender character was effective when he’s listening to the demon-fetus’ thoughts and tells Bella, “He (akala nila lalake eh) likes listening to your voice.”

7. Freaky pregnant Bella (think Gollum) and the icky birth of Renesmee. Kristen Stewart looked more constipated than ever when she was preggers. Even when Renesmee was clawing out of her, Bella still had the emotional range of a rock. :p

8. Kickass imprinting scene! Well, kickass when they showed Renesmee from CGI-heavy baby to not-so-pretty teenager. The idea of an 18-year old werewolf imprinting on his quasi-gf/bestfriend’s daughter is still gross.

 <— Renesmee! :p

9. Bella wakes up from her coma (or death… and kilometric flashback) as a vampire. That’s the last scene. And she really makes a beautiful vampire. I really hope that for Part 2, the filmmakers makes her the strong Bella she is portrayed in the book. Please lang, no more poker face.

10. Stay for the after-credits. See the Volturi being grammar nazis.

It’s a neat 2nd to the last movie. I can’t wait to see the last one.

And for a lot of you, I’m sure you just can’t wait for all the Twilight everything to end.

Konting tiis na lang! :p


listening to: Iron & Wine – Flightless Bird, American Mouth

You know you’ve reached fiction hell when…

A pretty albeit not breathtaking highschool transferee falls in love with a gorgeous vampire who first avoids her with utter repulsion because her scent is the most potent amongst humans then pursues her when he decides he could not endure immortality without her.

Vampires are not only cold and hard as a stone, strong and quick as a bullet. They don’t get reduced to ashes but they glitter like diamonds when exposed to sunshine!

You haven’t recovered from the glimmer fiction factoid when you also find out that each vampire has a gift. Their best characteristic in their human life becomes intensified when they become immortal! If one is at best intuitive in his mortal life, he will be able to see the future once he becomes a vampire!

A coven of vampires swears to protect human life. So instead of sucking people’s blood out, they opt for animal blood. Wow, in the same light as vegetarians, only with more heart!

The main female protagonist not only associates herself with vampires. She also befriends werewolves. She becomes bestfriends with one. And get this, the bff werewolf also falls in love with her.

Werewolves imprint. Imprinting is like finding your soulmate, only way creepier. A teenage werewolf can imprint on a two-year old and take care of the baby until she is old enough to have a labeled commitment with.

The mortal female protagonist asks the immortal male protagonist to make her a vampire. He refuses because he does not want her to miss out on the varied important events of her finite life. He gives his yes in one condition, she should marry him first.

The annoying and asinine heroine refuses at first because she does not quite believe in marriage, since her parents are divorced. She gives her yes when she learns he will only have sex with her after they wed.

The heroine delays her immortality by reasoning she’s not yet ready to give up her perishable life. She says she wants to attend college first. The real reason: she’s afraid that sex will not be as good once she’s in eternal form.

You know you are still in fiction hell when…

The ditz gets pregnant and she gives birth after a month to a half-vampire baby who has the ability to communicate by sending images to people’s minds through touch.

The werewolf bestfriend imprints on the half-vampire baby! The vampire-turned heroine attacks the bff werewolf for naming her child after the Loch Ness monster.

Royal vampires from Italy come to destroy the baby as it poses as danger to the secrecy of their race. The baby’s immediate vampire family and her werewolf friends protect her.

The final showdown has two of the most dangerous fictional creatures known to man yet they resort to a peaceful agreement with the realization that the hybrid child is not a threat.

The royal vampires return to Italy. The werewolf bff waits for the hybrid child to reach her full growth for concrete imprinting.

The hero and the heroine talk about forever and have more vampire sex.

The heroine realizes that vampire sex is more gratifying than human sex.

And you realize it’s the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer.


Despite the aforementioned, I have no regrets reading Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. In fact, I liked Twilight, but only because of two things. One, Robert Pattinson (Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire) will star as Edward Cullen in the film adaptation and I can hardly wait for December to watch it. Two, if I were Isabella Swan, I’d also have a difficult time sacrificing my sex life.

No regrets, but I had more pleasure reading a chapter of Harry Potter than the entire Twilight Saga. JK Rowling can kick Stephenie Meyer’s ass.

Anne Rice can go for the kill.


listening to: Coldplay – Scientist

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